A couple of months ago I was sitting through the membership class at my church, and my pastor brought up how like characteristics attracts like characteristics, and how the majority of our congregation tends to lean towards the introverted side of the spectrum. He then tacked on, “Except for Grace!” I must admit I was rather surprised by this exclamation. Me, an extrovert?
When I was little, my personality was quite bubbly and
animated. I would say anything and
everything that came to mind, often getting myself into trouble. At one point, I even memorized a poem called “Don’t
Tell Me That I Talk Too Much” and I would quote to anyone that dared accuse me
of doing that very thing. There were no
secrets with me!
When I hit my teen years, things began changing. I faced some hard conversations, and became
very self-conscious of all my social tendencies. I was petrified that my every move in public would
be wrong. Even going to church was
nerve-wracking.
My freshman year of high school, I was in a piano competition
and remember walking to auditions doubled over in pain. This came to be a common occurrence when I
spent a lot of time with people. To this
day, I still get nervous stomachaches in social environments, which my mom and
I affectionately refer to as being “all peopled out.” I did Bible Quiz for a number of years and
there would be times I was so physically uncomfortable, I had to refrain from
jumping competitively.
When these social tendencies and fears came to the light, I
determined I was not as extroverted as I once thought. In fact, I absolutely love my alone time. My bedroom, with its comfy beanbag chair, soft
tortilla blanket, and a dozen instruments (literally), is a haven of sorts.
Basically, throughout high school I considered myself
introverted. I limited the bubbliness I
had once been known for. I would leave
most conversations feeling absolutely rotten.
Last year I came home from a fellowship and cried. Everything about the night had gone amazing:
we had a blast playing games, I got to geek out over music with someone, and I
chatted at length with a friend. Despite
all this, I felt like I had done something terrible. I texted my brother and asked him what I had
said.
This catches you up to the setting above, where my pastor
told me I was clearly extroverted. At
first, I didn’t want to be known as
outgoing and social. I enjoyed calling
myself an introvert and feeling that some of my tendencies were justified. When I acknowledged myself as an introvert, I
could settle some expectations I had for myself.
Since I was about 8 years old, I’ve dutifully taken it upon
myself to be the one to initiate conversations.
My attitude is, “I’m not going to wait for someone else to make the
first move. I’ll say hi first and get
the awkwardness over with.” So despite
every bone inside of me screaming “RUN AWAY! THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE,” I would
muster a smile and walk up to strangers and friends alike, thinking all the
while, “WHAT on earth am I going to say?!”
On the outside I may seem bubbly and outgoing, but inwardly I’m facing
major fear and turmoil.
This past year I’ve been facing a dilemma: am I an introvert
or extrovert? You know, maybe we just
need to forget these labels and stop putting our personalities in a box.
As believers, God gives us the strength to overcome trepidation
and discomfort. He desires for us to
love other people well, and that means that sometimes we have to push past our
comfort zones and forget ourselves. Katie
Davis Majors says in her book, Kisses
from Katie, “People often ask if I think my life is dangerous, if I am
afraid. I am much more afraid of
remaining comfortable.”
Everyone has social discomforts of some sort. There is not a person who does not struggle
socially in one way or another. Any relationship
between 2 sinners is going to cause problems of some sort. Our job, first and foremost, is to do what
God tells us to in Scripture, and His Word includes commandments to love our
enemies, pray for our persecutors, heap coals of fire on others’ heads, and a
host of other things that are uncomfortable and unnatural to us.
For me, it came down to escaping the label of “introvert,”
and embracing the extroverted side of myself that I had buried long ago. I had to realize that, despite the
limitations I put on myself, I can push past myself and do the right thing
through the Spirit’s power. It may be
difficult, but it is not impossible.
As the song so beautifully puts it: “In Jesus’s power, preach
Christ to the lost. For Jesus’s glory,
count all else by loss. Gather from
every place trophies of sovereign grace.
Lest life be wasted, exalt Jesus’s cross.” (Lyrics by Christ Anderson.) In other words: forget yourself! Jesus will give you the strength to do what
is right. It’s not about you, your
comfort zone, your personality, your fear, or your social tendencies. It’s about Christ.
If you'd like to read more from my heart on this topic, check out this post.
Amen sister!
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