What Do I Desire?

 

“How old were you when you got saved?” my great-grandmother once asked me.  Even in her old age, she was on fire for God—except, she was catholic.

  “I was five,” I said.

  Her eyes immediately sparkled with excitement.  “You’re our little nun!” she exclaimed in perfect seriousness.

  Although today I merely laugh with amusement at our short conversation, her words have been the cause of a lot of thought and contemplation.  Don’t worry, I have never once considered becoming a nun, nor do I ever intend to! ;)  But I have puzzled over the expectations people have for me.

  “You should go to Juliard,” an over-achieving relative told me.  “And go visit and study in Europe!”

  “Piano pedagogy would be the best major for you,” someone says. 

  “You should study music education!” another exclaims. 

  “What about church music?” a third asks.

  “Grace should really consider composition,” four people tell my father.

  “What if I study counseling instead of music?” I timidly suggest.  A resounding NO from the entire universe throws that plan out the window.

  “What do you hope to do with your life, aside from music?” a lady asks.  When I explain how I simply want to be a wife and mother, I’m answered with an eye-roll.

  “You should be a single, independent clothing designer!” a feminist declares.

  Alas!  So many opinions, but only 1 life.  “Only what’s done for Christ will last,” Elizabeth Elliot’s wise words whisper.

  Lest I come across rebellious and unflinching, let me be the first to clarify that wise counsel is crucial!  I have received and sought out counsel from multiple godly authorities in my life, and I’m very thankful for that.  However, there are many voices and opinions in this world, both godly and ungodly.  It is important that we be decisive when listening to counsel.

  People will always have opinions.  God gave us each unique minds, voices, and passions.  While I may be dead set on going into music, someone who hasn’t seen me in my ‘happy place’ might be utterly convinced that God’s written a sign in the sky, telling me to go down a different path.  It can be tough to navigate through a myriad of opinions.

  Let me be very real and honest with you: I have no desire to be a clothing designer.  The immodest people of this world aren’t going to appreciate any style I would put on the market.

  I have no desire to be a nun.

  I have no desire to be rich and famous.  Maybe there was a time when I did want fame and fortune, but that desire continuously becomes more unappealing.

  I want to make an impact, but I never want people to esteem me higher than a normal, sinful, faltering human being that is in desperate need of her Savior.

  I have no desire to attend Juliard or study in Germany.  My dream school is a little Christian college in my own area.

  I desire to follow my Savior wherever He takes me.

  I desire to bring glory to God not only through music, but through my words, actions, and lifestyle.

  I desire to faithfully serve the people God brings into my life.

  I desire to answer “YES!” to every step the Lord asks me to take.          

  I desire to be Christ’s child, no matter the cost.            

  There are many dreams in my heart.  I dream of college, teaching music, composing, serving in church ministries, writing, and encouraging others.  But I will count these all losses compared to knowing my Savior and doing exactly what He wills for me—even if it’s not what I had planned.

  I chuckle when I’m told to become a nun, and politely smile while gritting my teeth when people throw Juliard and independence and clothing design at me.  Wherever God takes me in life, I want to follow, serve, and seek Him faithfully.  That is enough for me.