Handling Your Crush in a Godly Way

Relationships has always been a topic I’ve backed away from as a blogger.  There are a nice handful of great godly blogs that deal with all things relationships, romance, purity, and the like.  Basically, talking about a subject like this here on my own blog is odd and foreign.  Nevertheless, here I am.

  One of the reasons I am writing an article on this subject today is because I see girls struggling with handling crushes all around me.  There are many things you can do about crushes, and peer pressure is a huge influence as well.  Despite an abundance of biblical wisdom and practical guidance out there, when I talk to my friends about guys, usually they’re pretty clueless on what to do.  In this post, I just want to give you a couple very basic ideas for how to handle crushes in a godly way.

  (Note: as with all of my posts, this post is geared toward young ladies, so that’s the audience I will be specifically addressing today.)

Pray

  Pray about everything.  Talk to God about the guy.  Tell Him how you feel, and ask Him for guidance and wisdom.  God can already see your heart.  Be transparent and open, inviting Him into the situation. 

  Pray for the guy: his character, his family, his season in life.  Everyone needs prayer, and this young man is no different.  Pray for him as you would a friend.

  Do something hard, and pray for his future relationship.  Remember, as much as you’re infatuated, he probably isn’t going to end up being your future husband.  I think that praying for his future relationship is extremely helpful in making you pause and look at the bigger picture and the reality that he probably isn’t going to be yours. 

  “Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.  Selah.” –Psalm 62:8 (KJV)

Think realistically

  A while back, someone asked me if I liked a certain young man.  My reply was confident: “We wouldn’t work.  We are going down totally opposite paths.”  I completely skipped the part about my personal feelings and moved right along to reality.  Why should I unnecessarily devote brain power to something that’d only make me dissatisfied?

  I would encourage you to think realistically about your crush.  This is hard, but do the best you can.  Ask yourself, “Where is God leading me right now?” and see if it matches up with the pathway your crush is headed down.  This isn’t to say that plans and pathways couldn’t change or join, but if isn’t a wise match right now, than don’t waste time daydreaming right now!

Talk to your parents

  Sadly, in the culture we live in, parental guidance and approval is often rejected and considered unnecessary and bothersome.

  Go against the flow.  If you have godly parents, share your feelings and thoughts with them.  They have wisdom and insight that you don’t, and they know you better than anyone (aside from God, of course!). Do something radical and actually listen to your parents’ advice.  If you don’t have godly parents, talk to a godly mentor.

  ”Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” –Proverbs 19:20 (KJV)

DO NOT tell friends

  You will avoid a lot of drama by keeping your mouth shut.  If you have a ‘bestie,’ you might be tempted like crazy to tell her all about your crush.  BE DISCERNING.  I’ll tell you, the wisest interactions I’ve had with guys I admire were the ones that only my family knew about.

  ”Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” –James 1:19 (KJV), emphasis mine.

Exercise self-discipline

  What do you want more than anything?  To sit by him?  To hear him call you beautiful?  Even just a hug?  I knew a girl once who would do anything to get what she wanted.  She put herself in sketchy situations just to satisfy her longings.  She got that hug, the chair by his side, and the date with him.  But she wasn’t satisfied.  She kept pushing the boundaries.

  If you have it in your mind what you want, but you know your motives aren’t altogether God-honoring, exercise self-discipline and say no.  Even if you get the opportunity to give him a hug or sit by him in class, if you know you’re motives are not pure, refuse it.  We always want what we cannot have, and oftentimes when we finally get it, it’s not enough; just like the girl I knew was never satisfied.  And we are tempted to stretch the boundaries even further the next time.

  If you know it isn’t good for you, be self-disciplined enough to say no and choose God’s greater plan.

  “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” –Proverbs 25:28 (ESV)

Remember your commitment

  Even though wearing a purity ring doesn’t guarantee your purity, it can be a helpful visual reminder of your commitment to purity and godliness.  If you haven’t made a commitment, I would encourage you to make one today.  Commit to keeping yourself pure and pursuing holiness in your relationship with guys.  Purity ring or not, you should be committed to follow Christ in this area of life (as with all areas).

  “Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.” –Psalm 37:5 (ESV)

Prepare for temptation

  I don’t know about you, but for me personally, I am most tempted to daydream while I’m in the shower.  When I’m around people, I have a “pop the bubble” mindset that helps me get my mind re-centered (see next point), but when I’m in the shower it’s just me, and sometimes my thoughts wander.  Quoting Bible verses, praying, or checking my thoughts periodically are helpful tools.

  Prepare for temptation, because it will come.  Memorize Scripture and fight the battle with it.  If you struggle with wanting to dress in a certain way to get attention, purposefully choose to wear something *extra* modest.

  “Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil.  Then after the battle you will be standing firm.” –Ephesians 6:13 (NLT)

Pop the bubble

  This is one of the most creative things I do to ward against unhealthy daydreaming.  When I am around others (in church, at school, etc.) and I begin daydreaming, I have trained myself to envision a visible thought bubble floating above my head, displaying my thoughts.  I ask myself, would I want others to read this thought bubble?  In other words, I need to pop the bubble!

  “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” –Colossians 3:2 (ESV)

  Let me be the first to say that I am in no way an “expert” in giving advice on this topic.  These are simply things that I have found extremely helpful when considering crushes, and I pray they will be beneficial to you as well.

  If you have any wisdom to share, please do so below!  How do you ward against daydreaming and maintain a godly mindset in the face of major crushes and infatuation?