How to Build Close Friendships

This past year, God blessed me with several special friendships.  I’ve learned a lot about cultivating good, godly friendships, and I’ve noticed different things in my friendships that have an effect on my closeness with that person.

  Close friendships are certainly not built overnight, unless this post would be entitled, “Your One-Stop Guide to Becoming Best Friends Overnight.”  Friendships take time—lots of time.  Effort and energy must be invested for a friendship to develop.  These are principles that play a vital role in building a strong friendship.

Show Yourself Friendly.

  You have to start somewhere, so start by being friendly.  Say “Hi!” enthusiastically whenever you see each other.  Smile, always.  Look genuinely pleased to see them, and then sincerely ask them how they are doing.  DO NOT look at your phone!  Put it AWAY.  If you’re like me and your phone is a coping technique in social settings, you’re going to have to be self-disciplined enough to slip your phone into your purse or pocket and LEAVE IT THERE.

“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24, KJV

Center the Friendship on Christ.

  The very best friendships are centered on Christ.  Just look at David and Jonathon in the Bible, or Daniel and his friends.  They were Christ-followers.

  If you want to take a step in the direction of building a more Christ-focused friendship, starting a Bible plan on YouVersion is a great idea.  You will be studying the Bible and discussing things together on a daily basis, and that will grow your relationship with God as well as your relationship with each other.

Pray For Each Other.

  Your friends should be permanently on your prayer list.  Ask often how you can pray for them, and then dedicate a good amount of time to bring their name and needs before God.

Follow Up.

  Remember important dates, events, and prayer requests your friends mention.  Follow up and ask them about it.  I know that I always feel appreciated and cared for when my friends follow up on things.

Be Authentic.

  You aren’t a perfect human being, and you shouldn’t be afraid for your friend to see you scatterbrained, emotional, insecure, or struggling.  This doesn’t mean that you should try to be all these things when you’re around them; it just means that you should be real and authentic.  Your friends should feel comfortable being themselves around you because you are yourself around them!

Share and Grow.

  The beauty of community among God’s children is that we can come alongside, encourage, and help each other grow!

Think of the Other Person’s Needs.

  Does your friend need advice and instruction, or just a listening ear?  Does she need something material?  Think about her needs above your own.  Sometimes that means staying up till 2 in the morning to listen and comfort her through text, or taking a walk with her instead of staying where all the activity is.  Is she struggling with something specific?  Maybe you know of a book that could encourage and help her, or you could buy her favorite candy.

Learn from Jesus.

  The ultimate model of friendship, of course, is that of Jesus Christ.  Read His Word and find out what it says about friendship.  Find out what makes Himself the Best Friend.  Learn from Him, and He will teach you to be a good friend.

  I’d love to hear from you!  What do you think is key for developing close friendships?